I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
