Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
