So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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