3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
