Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
