a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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