Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
