Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
