You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
