I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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