Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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