if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
