Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
