its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
are you so shy because you have an std?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
