Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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