Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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