Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
