i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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