I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
