Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
