Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
