my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
