talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
