This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
