WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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