Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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