we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
