Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
