Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
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So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
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Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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