i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
