i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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