I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
