did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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