Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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