I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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