After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
