Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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