Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
