1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
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