so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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