i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
