Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
