I have demons in me.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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