even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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