and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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