Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
