Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
