there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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