So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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