i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Are we still banned from the library?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
