Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
