Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
