I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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