Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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