Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
